Pretty much any guy who has set foot in a nightclub will have at some point attempted to approach a woman and get her number. Maybe your eyes met across the bar and she smiled so you thought you’d have a go. Or maybe you’re just a little bit bullish and backed your speech game to enable you to back that piffy you saw in the smoking area. Regardless of what motivated you to make that bold first step, the likelihood is there will be a time when boy meets girl and girl simply is not interested. And sometimes the result to shake the attention are 4 little words “I have a boyfriend”.
And another fact of adult life is that this little phrase that brings even some of the most cock-sure men crashing back to the reality of defeat actually bears no truth. For some women this is just the method of least resistance – the easiest way to end the conversation without being asked 21,000 questions. But the truth is women need to stop telling men this lie and there is one simple reason: they shouldn’t have to.
There is a paper thin line running between persistence and peskiness that often gets crossed when a man moves to a woman and so I really do understand that there are often times when a man fails to understand the difference between “playing hard to get” and not wanting to be got at all. But at the same time you are doing everyone involved a disservice by falling back on the boyfriend lie.
If you are not interested in the man offering to buy you a metric shit-tonne of jäger bombs you should feel more than justified in telling him that when he attempts to escalate the conversation. You don’t owe him anything but consistency in the signals you send. Say that you’d rather not give your number out in a firm, confident but respectful manner and understand that your “harmless” flirting can send out mixed messages. It’s as important to read the signals given off by the man approaching him as it is for him to read yours. If it’s obvious that he has taken a liking to you then don’t lead him on by playing along to get some attention – it’s selfish and a tad cruel as well as working to your own disadvantage. For all the bravado of the average would-be-pick-up-artist, many men are as afraid of rejection and being alone as women so don’t be rude about it – after all he has battled these fears to come and talk to you – but don’t feel you need to hide behind a lie to be safe. At the very least, give him the opportunity to demonstrate a mature attitude to rejection.
Of course this is not a one-sided behavioural adjustment. Guys, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of persistence and resilience but you have to pick your battles. If you’ve asked 3 or 4 times for her number and have still had no luck (not suggesting that as a rule of thumb but you get the point) then cut your losses and move on. After all, there’s plenty more women out there.
If there’s one thing listening to both male and female friends talk about their experiences with the opposite sex it’s that men and women need to do a better job of communicating with each other. It is my honest opinion that if women were forthcoming with their lack of interest in a man it’d help better educate him on reading the signals. And if women better learn to read the intentions of the man approaching them and more clearly communicate their response to it then social interaction will run a lot smoother. We’ve got to learn to understand each other some day after all.